After several months of speculation and anticipatory mullet-grooming, it’s been confirmed that Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax will play on the same stage in the same night for the first time in history. Satan’s bowels exploded at the news, showering the globe with wretched metal bile and spike-studded leather bracelets. Revel in it. Full Article »

A pair of researchers at the University of Wisconsin have been working to learn more about how human music may have come about, by experimenting with monkeys, and playing them music by Nine Inch Nails, Metallica, and Tool. Read on for their review… Full Article »

Every single day I check the music news, and seriously every single fucking day, there’s something new about Metallica. We mocked Mission: Metallica and their overblown, over-hyped marketing bullshit, and I for one am pretty sick of hearing about them. But I have to admit, they’re getting it right for a change. They’re staying on the radar by serving substance, not just ads. They’re keeping it coming, giving it all away. They’re engaging the fans head-on.

There are three (and only three) simple truths, beyond which things get complicated: Fans consume art ruthlessly. Corporations make money ruthlessly. Artists make art ruthlessly.

Everything beyond these three truths can be picked apart and debated as the game evolves. But anyone who forgets any of these three truths is a fool, and anyone who fights them is asking for a Darwinian lightning bolt to wipe their useless genes off the planet. Today’s Metallica news brought one such waste of DNA to my attention: Per Sundin, President of Universal Music Sweden. Full Article »

I had this fucker written in my head long before I’d so much as heard a note: they’re master rehashers, old men trying to reapply the dead skin they shed decades ago when shorter songs, slower tempos and straight-laced hooks moved into the vacant slot their balls left behind. And once I heard The Day That Never Comes I felt completely justified.

I more than expected the new Metallica album to suck. I knew it would.
And, of course, I was wrong. Full Article »

Hey Metallica, why hold a listening party for your new album if you don’t want people talking about the music? We all know you guys are all about embracing the internet now and stuff, but this latest listening-party fiasco adds a final, gleaming sheen of hypocrisy to your douchebag crowns.

See, Metallica held a listening session in London on Wednesday to preview all but four tracks from their hysterically anticipated, yet-unnamed ninth studio album (you know, the one where they’re supposed to get all shreddy and raw again, like they were twenty years ago). There weren’t any non-disclosure agreements guests had to sign beforehand, and no reference was made to keeping album details under wraps. Full Article »

In 2000, Lars Ulrich and Metallica famously sued Napster, and published a 60,000 page printout of names of fans who had traded their music in MP3 format online. This established Metallica, and Lars particularly, as the king of backwards-thinking douchebags in the music industry. Of course they won by technicality- unfortunately, music fans generally don’t know who the fuck Doug Morris is- but Lars ran a very public, very bold campaign, and he was elected king douchebag by overwhelming majority.

In April, I caught wind of a rather interesting blurb in Wired. Ulrich said that Metallica could be planning a digital release “along the lines of what Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails have done.” He said, “We’re looking at how we can embrace everything.”

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