Wait, can my posts be pink? I only write in pink. No? How about the headers? Links? SOMETHING? Thanks. [We'll look into it. -Ed.]

Maureen Dowd, resident firecrotch (I mean that in the nicest way possible, really) at the New York Times, apparently started some sort of shitshow. Dowd’s article, Duel Of Historical Guilts, contains some stuff about shoulder pads and feminism as if the two are related in some way other than that they are both outdated trends from the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. And that’s just where she begins!

M.D. Firecrotch also pulls random quotes from random people. The first nonsensical quote comes from a white woman, quoting her black male friend saying something about slavery (naturally), and how that (naturally) meant he was voting for Barack. The woman’s comeback to her formerly enslaved friend was something similarly stupid about women, slavery, and menstrual cycles, and how that (naturally) drove her to vote for Hillary. Firecrotch then closes the entire article with this: “‘We love you, Bill!’ yelled one boy. ‘You did a good job, except for Monica.’” I’m not even going try to figure out why that quote was thrown in there, but Monica was totally a bad call.

Here’s the part that created the frenzy and got me thinking:

With Obama saying the hour is upon us to elect a black man and Hillary saying the hour is upon us to elect a woman, the Democratic primary has become the ultimate nightmare of liberal identity politics. All the victimizations go tripping over each other and colliding, a competition of historical guilts.

People will have to choose which of America’s sins are greater, and which stain will have to be removed first. Is misogyny worse than racism, or is racism worse than misogyny?

As it turns out, making history is actually a way of being imprisoned by history. It’s all about the past. Will America’s racial past be expunged or America’s sexist past be expunged?

I’ll save you all the time and pain of actually plopping yourself in the middle of the shitshow that ensued from this piece by summarizing key arguments. Nevermind, that’s too much work since each argument seemed to end up in the same place anyway. No matter how hard each “blogger” tried to explain that race and gender have no place in politics because it’s the “issues” that matter, each argument inevitably ended up being a pseudo justification as to why Hillary should win because “women have come so far” or why Barack should win because “blacks have come so far.” Don’t forget though, this election isn’t about race and/or gender, and only the issues have led to their decision.

I’ll be blunt: this election is about race and gender. Nobody wants to admit it, but it’s true. You can fight me all you want on this, but we all know that race and gender definitely play a factor in this election. Plus, if you and I got into a fight, I’d probably win. Anyway, for the first time, we have a woman and a black man who actually have a shot at becoming the leader of this great nation. You can’t say that something this significant, a 180° from something that has been the same since George Washington was elected in 1789, can just happen and not have any impact on people’s choices. Well you can, but you’re wrong.

Among the slightly more eloquent, Dowd’s last question about expunging past wrongdoings garnered a resounding “neither.” I agree with people like Johnny Firecloud (Firecrotch? Close enough…) who responded to that question this morning by saying, “neither, ever. stupid question.” You’re right; the past will never be expunged. What I don’t agree with is him, like many others, getting so “irritated” over such a “stupid” question. Maybe this irritation stems from Mr. Firecloud knowing that deep down there’s something bigger hiding in the fact that someone still feels the need to ask such a stupid question, but maybe he is too irritated to try to figure it out like the rest of this country.

Regardless of the point Firecloud was actually trying to make, he got me thinking about my own: No matter who is elected out of the three remaining contenders, that choice will have undeniable implications. If Obama secures the nomination, it’ll be the stain of misogyny that prevails by being able to keep another woman down; if Hillary is the nominee, the stain of racism will prevail by keeping the white tradition. It will likely start a discussion about why a white woman is given that opportunity before a black man, or vice versa. Sound familiar? Yeah, we had this discussion when one of these two groups was given the right to vote before the other, but that’s obviously for a whole different episode of Oprah.

McCain should just be crowned president now; at least that way, the quarreling will cease and the white man can put everyone back in their respective places.