OK, technically this wasn’t a ‘best of ‘08′ list, but Rolling Stone published a list of ‘the 100 greatest singers of all time’ as voted on by a “blue-ribbon panel of 179″ musicians. Missing from the list: Mike Patton, Ann Wilson, Layne Staley. Total bullshit, and Phil Anselmo agrees with us. Now, if the list was otherwise filled with vocalists superior to these icons, we could understand. But many vocalists of far inferior capabilities made it on; including Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, and Bruce Springsteen. Christina Aguilera made #58- way ahead of Mariah Carey.

Rolling Stone also published their list of the best singles of 2008- 100 of them- and named Beyoncé’s Single Ladies #1. The song’s only been out for two months, and it sucks. I’m not just saying that because it’s a pop song. Let’s face it- in America, two singles dominated 2008 above any others- Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl, and Britney Spears’ Womanizer. If you ask us, Womanizer is far less annoying- and a far superior composition. And the sooner Katy Perry’s inevitable disappearance from the charts comes, the better. But either would have been acceptable at the top of a 2008 singles list. And with Beyoncé at the top instead, Rolling Stone can’t defend on grounds that the list was based on quality rather than dominance or popularity.

Some of the songs that made the list: Google Me by Teyana Taylor (I did, you suck), Candy Shop by Madonna (but Four Minutes didn’t make it?) M.I.A.’s Shells (but not Paper Planes), Cobrastyle by Robyn (huh?), Video Girl by the Jonas Brothers (but not Burnin’ Up or Love Bug), Warwick Avenue by Duffy (but not her only almost non-shitty song, Mercy), a ton of songs noone’s ever heard of, and a few songs that might be almost arguable. What the fuck are they smoking at Rolling Stone?

By the way, Womanizer didn’t make the list at all. I don’t care what you think about Britney, If you’re going to put together a list of the biggest or best 100 singles of 2008 and skip Womanizer, you’re either high, or you’re a hipster with your head up your own ass. Rolling Stone put Britney on two magazine covers this year, so I can’t imagine they’re taking a stand against the mainstream.

Speaking of Hipsters, Pitchfork called Fleet Foxes’ Sun Giant the best album of 2008. Issue #1- it’s not even an album. It’s a five song EP. But OK, I get it. Hipsters will be hipsters and call some faggy folk band’s four track demos the best of the year while simultaneously recognizing Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter III as #11 (because the top #10 needs to be irony-free of course). Their list was so predictable, NME punked it.

On the other side of that fence, Entertainment Weekly agreed with Rolling Stone that TV On The Radio’s Dear Science was the best album of the year. I’d say it’s overrated, but this late yelp of hype isn’t really being echoed by any masses. By the way, Beyoncé’s Sasha Fierce was EW’s #2. Yeah.

Portishead’s disappointing Third made several best-of lists, for the sole reason that they’re Portishead. Meanwhile, anyone that gave a nod to Vampire Weekend is just believing the hype, because that’s all there is to that band.

As I said, we’re going to start making our calls for the best albums of the year beginning the day after Christmas. But I guarantee you that TV On The Radio, Vampire Weekend, and fucking Beyoncé will be nowhere near our list. Stay tuned.

When The New Kids On The Block went on the Magic Summer Tour in 1990, I was there. It was a birthday present to my mother– that’s how in love I was with NKOTB. I was there at Dodger Stadium in a handmade shirt that read “I love Joey!!” even though Jordan was my favorite. Long story short, my older sisters called dibs on all the other New Kids until only Joey was left. We certainly couldn’t have duplicates.

As rumors of a reunion began to surface earlier this year, I watched as NKOTB.com went from a site under construction reminding visitors to check back, to a site with old videos, and then the “Are You Ready?” video really got me going. Of course I’m ready! I’ve been waiting for eighteen years! N*SYNC, Backstreet Boys, and even my beloved Jonas Brothers aren’t exactly the powerhouses that the New Kids were during the late ‘80s and early ‘90s.

In May, Summertime arrived for download as a new single from NKOTB. While it definitely wasn’t Hangin’ Tough, it was a safe, mediocre, slightly catchy pop song. In order to keep the dream alive, I just told myself it was their attempt to work their way back in without doing anything too controversial and that the best was yet to come. When the music video hit the scene, I laughed. Each time I see it, I still laugh. All the guys out there who don’t give a crap can at least tune in to see the hot chicks they have running around in bathing suits on the beach:

Now The Block is here. Fiona Apple’s Extraordinary Machine was the last time I was (almost) this excited about a new release.

The first song is Click, Click, Click and though it’s more digestible the second time around, it still sounds like late ‘90s R&B. The next track is the newest single, Single, featuring Ne-Yo. It’s listenable. Then I get confused when Big Girl Now featuring Lady Gaga starts attacking my speakers. The beginning of the song almost pulls me in, but after the first 25 seconds, it turns to shit. Then I hit the one minute mark when Lady Gaga shows she’s got a bit of a voice– I might check some of her stuff out, but I’m skipping the rest of this song because I can’t take much more of this “I’m a big girl, you’re a big boy now” crap.

We’ve all heard Summertime, so next is 2 In The Morning. You can definitely hear the intersection of early ‘90s and today. The beat is reminiscent of the old times, but the auto-tuner makes sure we know NKOTB is hanging out in the two-thousands. Bad.

I hate the Pussycat Dolls. I love pop music, but I hate PCD. They’re hanging out on the next track, Grown Man. I get it, you guys aren’t 20 anymore.

My heart is beginning to break…

Dirty Dancing and Sexify My Love are horrible. All over the house / working that thing, girl / making you shout / Take it fast, slow / gonna do it like a pole / slide down and get low… That gem is followed by Twisted, which also sucks.

The next track is Full Service. If you were wondering what New Edition is up to these days, listen to this track when nobody is around and you’ll be glad they’ve been in hiding. They don’t want you to be nervous, they’re gonna give you full service, full service. “You ain’t even gotta get out your seat.” Don’t worry, we’re not.

Lights, Camera, Action is a decent dance track. Put It On My Tab opens with Akon. I love Akon. He’s so bad, he’s almost good. Akon ends up being the best part of this track, but that’s not saying much at all.

Stare At You, One Song, Don’t Cry, and Officially Over would have been good in 1994. Looking Like Danger is so bad it’s close to good. I think this one is my favorite.

On NKOTB’s Myspace page, they only have old hits on their player.

I was once really excited about seeing NKOTB at the Staples Center next month, but I might just stay home. They should have completed the tour before releasing the album to gauge interest and spend a few more months working on the album.

NKOTB’s Greatest Hits album starts playing after Looking Like Danger finishes. I might just stick to that and pretend none of this ever happened.

There’s still a part of me that has hope as I snuggle in tight to my NKOTB sleeping bag that I made my mom buy for me at the Magic Summer Tour in 1990. Maybe they’re working in reverse this time: shitty album first, awesome stuff later.

The Block
September 2, 2008
Interscope

1. Click, Click, Click
2. Single
3. Big Girl Now
4. Summertime
5. 2 In The Morning
6. Grown Man
7. Dirty Dancing
8. Sexify My Love
9. Twisted
10. Full Service
11. Lights, Camera, Action
12. Put It On My Tab
13. Stare At You
14. One Song
15. Don’t Cry
16. Officially Over
17. Looking Like Danger