Lewis Black is not an asshole, he just plays one in real life. His comic flare lies in the ability to make people laugh at the baffling absurdity and hypocrisy that dominate modern American politics. As one of the country’s foremost social satirists, Black grabbed American’s attention by the throat with with his volcanically frothing social “commentaries on everything,” hands shaking worse than Michael J. Fox on crystal meth, ranting and writhing like he’s possessed by demons far too large for his skin.

When not on the road performing (where he spends most of his time), Black’s either doing his show, writing new material or talking to bastards like us. We leapt at the chance to spend a few minutes ruffling feathers with the best firestarter out there about Obama and McCain, dead comic heroes and why evolution is the only thing that keeps him going.

After nearly two decades of sitting around crying about the end of the Cold War, Russia has decided to try that whole world domination thing again- this time they have their eyes set on a smaller, less bad-ass target: Georgia. No, no, not the state! The country! Georgia “is a transcontinental country partially in Eastern Europe and partially in Southwest Asia in the Caucasus region” (Wikipedia).

You see how I cited Wikipedia there? That’s what you’re supposed to do when you take information from a source and use it for your own reports, papers, and speeches. But it’s also important to note that Wikipedia isn’t exactly looked at very highly by the academic community based on the fact that it’s very user friendly.

Last week, the New York Times published an op-ed by Barack Obama, outlining Obama’s Plan For Iraq. It was bound to be followed by a rebuttal from John McCain. And it was– sort of.

McCain’s editorial response was submitted and quickly rejected by the New York Times Op-Ed editor, David Shipley. In his response to the McCain team, Shipley states that he’s “not going to be able to accept [the] piece as currently written,” but that he’d be “pleased” to look over a different draft.

What does that really mean? Is that editorial decision being made based on policy or content? McCain’s camp is quick to point out that Shipley served in the Clinton Administration and that the real problem is that he doesn’t agree with McCain’s policies toward Iraq and that reworking the draft would be useless unless it came with a change in policy.

The word change dates back to the 13th century and is a derivative of the Latin cambiare, which means to exchange, or barter. Today, the dictionary tells me that change means “to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.” Maybe we can specify “politics” or “government” as that “something” and Obama fans can put it on a button and wear it on their sleeves along with their naiveté.

Last October I had a few lapses in judgment. One was dying my hair dark brown, one was a less-than-perfect life choice, and the other was getting a little turned on by Barack Obama. On October 3, 2007, Obama was campaigning in Independence, Iowa, raping the dry husk that is the American Dream, *giggle* when one reporter noticed something strange.

“You don’t have the American flag pin on. Is that a fashion statement?” he asked and pointed out that politicians had been wearing them since September 12, 2001.

At that moment, my world stood still as Obama spoke. He said he stopped wearing the pin on his lapel after 9/11 when it became “substitute for… true patriotism” and that his ideas for America will prove to be a testament to his patriotism. Immediately, I fell in love, but others saw it as a weakness and further questioned his patriotism and support of American troops overseas. “You show your patriotism by how you treat your fellow Americans, especially those who serve. And you show your patriotism by being true to your values and ideals. And that’s what we have to lead with, our values and ideals,” Obama said the next day in a response to the attacks. That, I think, is the spirit of change Barack Obama wants to embody, but has failed terribly at in recent days. It’s becoming increasingly apparent that his supposed candor is nothing but eloquent rhetoric that is just as malleable as any other politician’s promises.

On the day George W. Bush was sworn in as President of the United States in 2001, tens of thousands of people stood for hours in below-freezing temperatures along the path of the inaugural procession. A remarkably small number were there to cheer on the new president, which has been the tradition for over two hundred years. Instead, most had come to protest what Bush’s election represented: the final, crushing deathblow to the twinkle of hope for a better, brighter future in this country. The death of the democratic process, to pack it tight. They screamed till their lungs bled, crying their resistance to a future of exported interests and status quo corruption. They threw eggs and garbage at Bush’s limousine, even stopping the procession at one point, making sure the man inside knew they were there. They held signs and banners. They held teach-ins and planning workshops. They spoke for a nation on the brink of an abyss of proportions unseen for generations, clawing the crumbling earth to escape the hellish vortex we had just been tricked into (kind of) inviting into our homes. The protesters spoke with the conviction and passion of their predecessors- the thousands who rallied against Nixon’s inauguration in 1973- because the stakes seemed just as high. They were actually much higher, as it turns out, but nobody knew that at the time.

It was a desperate day of mourning in our nation’s history, and nearly a full decade later those blackened clouds still hover menacingly overhead.

John McCain should recognize some of the faces from that drizzly January morning almost eight years ago. They’re among the growing crowds showing up at his campaign stops these days, already calling bullshit on his entire election plan and demanding answers to the hard-hitting questions the mainstream media is still shying away from, such as why he seems hellbent on contradicting nearly every single political stance he’s ever taken, and plans on building both his foreign and domestic policies with the same hack-job blueprints Bush has used for eight years of legendary failure.