John Travolta Drinks Whiskey? Who Knew?

After “breaking out” as the female vocalist in Flo Rida’s Right Round, Ke$ha began prepping for her own album of original material. Tik Tok caught on in mid-October, and quickly became the biggest selling digital single by a female artist; Second best all-around digital single after Right Round. Sounds like the makings for success, right?

Unfortunately for Ke$ha, Tik Tok is too much like Kylie Minogue’s far superior Love At First Sight, with some extra synth noise. It’s strange that the lead single from Animal is an uncredited near-copy of one of the best pop songs in the last decade, but it is just a way for Kesha to advertise what she has to offer — rehashed sounds and riffs from some of pop’s biggest divas.

It’s surprising that some of the writers and producers on this album couldn’t produce higher quality material — Dr. Luke, Benny Blanco and Max Martin all worked on the album. Ke$ha’s debut album gives her no identity, instead painting her as an artist that even the best producers in the world can’t salvage.

The backing instrumental tracks sound like outtakes from some of pop’s biggest names, Britney Spears and Katy Perry, maybe a little bit of Gaga, however Ke$ha destroys any “catchiness” that could have been present with her tepid vocal performance. Vocal performances so weak that one wonders what she had to do to get signed to a record label in the first place. Paper-thin delivery with no emotion, backed by synthpop. Definitely a winning combination.

Sure, there are some decent tracks. Tik Tok is the highlight of the bunch, if only because it echoes Kylie Minogue, but all it really inspires me to do is bust out Minogue’s Fever album. Boots & Boys is fun, almost sexy, and the most original thing on the disc. Blind is a decent pop ballad overwhelmed by auto-tune. Nothing is lyrically strong in tracks imbued with Kesha’s jilted, hungover, 22-year old point of view. They’re funny at times, but only a 22-year old woman who drinks to feel happy could consider them “moving.” (If that’s you, Kesha is your new god!)

Worst tracks? Dinosaur is particularly bad, sounding like a terrible adaptation of Toni Basil’s Mickey with chants, whistles and what sounds like a toy synthesizer from 1994. Apparently about an older man who hit on Kesha, the vocals are delivered in a unique style of “rap,” known as complete shit.

In Stephen, she tries to sound like Owl City, a mediocre artist whose sound becomes truly terrible after passing through the Ke$ha filter. Blah Blah Blah featuring 3OH!3 is one of the most irritating tracks I’ve ever heard; no song has ever made me want to punch an artist in the face as much as this one does. 3OH!3 do nothing to make the track any better and deserve no credit.

Animal is such a poor package that I almost feel sorry for Kesha. Almost. I really feel sorry for those who listen to the radio. Tik Tok is so popular that I dread knowing three or four more singles from this album are destined for airplay. This is truly bad news, and will be one of the worst things to happen in music in 2010.

Max Martin, Dr. Luke, Benny Blanco and any other album collaborators—don’t ever do this again. You’ll lose all credibility. And Ke$ha? Go back to wherever you came from. The best thing I can say about Animal is that it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard.