We are loathe to spend time writing this, yet can’t help but feel obligated. Yesterday, We Are The World: 25 For Haiti was unveiled during NBC’s broadcast of the Winter Olympics. Unlike several of the participants, we’re old enough to remember the original vividly, and watching the reboot was not unlike being waterboarded with Wyclef Jean’s diarrhea.
If you’re at all inclined to call for a merciful critique of this abomination, watch the original. It’s probably been awhile. Recognize anyone? Yeah, you probably recognize just about everyone. In order of appearance: Lionel Richie, Stevie Wonder, Paul Simon, Kenny Rogers, James Ingram, Tina Turner, Billy Joel, Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Dionne Warwick, Willie Nelson, All Jarreau, Bruce Springsteen, Kenny Loggins, Steve Fucking Perry, Daryl Hall, Huey Lewis (who I thought was Steve Winwood all this time, oops), Cyndi Lauper, Kim Carnes, Bob Dylan, Ray Charles.
Okay, so Willie Nelson looks completely lost throughout the entire session, and was probably on hallucinogens. But these are legends, and with Willie as a possible exception, every single one of them can sing their frigging ass off. And that’s what made it great. It was like the X-Men and the Justice League got together to fight whatever bad shit was going on in Africa, and it was righteous. Cheesy, but righteous.
By comparison, 2010’s is more like Captain Planet and his possé teaming up with the entire extended cast of Sesame Street: Justin Bieber, Nicole Sherzinger, Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland, Josh Groban, Tony Bennett, Mary J. Blige, Michael Jackson’s hologram, Janet Jackson, Barbra Streisand, Miley Cyrus, Enrique Iglesias, Jamie Foxx, Wyclef Jean, Adam Levine, Pink, BeBe Winans, Usher, Celine Dion, Orianthi (on guitar), Fergie, Nick Jonas, Toni Braxton, Mary Mary, Isaac Slade, Lil’ Wayne (auto-tuned), Carlos Santana (on guitar), Akon (auto-tuned), T-Pain (auto-tuned), LL Cool J, Will.i.am (possibly also a hologram), Snoop Dogg, Busta Rhymes, Swizz Beatz, Iyaz, Kanye West.
It’s too many people, and not enough talent. Baby Bieber up against Lionel Richie? When Nicole Sherzinger dies of a cocaine and semen overdose, are we going to give her a lifetime achievement award? Sure, there were exceptions; Pink manages to fill in for Cyndi Lauper somewhat effectively, and there are a few performances from people who can actually sing such as Mary, Janet and Celine. But if you need so much auto-tune that your voice audibly warbles under the strain of being forcibly stretched from where you sang it to where it’s actually supposed to be, one thing you should not be allowed to do is solo on We Are The World. You can make a record. You can sell a million copies of it. You can tour the globe. You can have panties thrown onto your stage. But I’m not comfortable with you singing next to Michael Jackson.
I get that it’s a good cause, and I’m not trying to shit on under-skilled musicians for coming out and supporting it. But again, what made the original so special is that it was all these legends, performing a song written by one of the generation’s best songwriters. It was special. The idea was to record the best song ever recorded, and save the world with it. And perhaps this difference is subtle, but We Are The World: 25 For Haiti feels like it was born only to be the most marketable.
But this is what happens when you try and turn fads into legends. You’re forced to admit that you’re never going to write a song anywhere near as good as Michael Jackson’s. You’re forced to admit that your best vocalists can’t turn in usable performances without the assistance of state of the art audio manipulation technology. And most obviously, you’re forced to admit that you’re unable to exercise discretion when you have no taste.
“…and I’m not trying to shit on under-skilled musicians for coming out and supporting it.”
Uhhh, yeah you are. Own it and move on.
I take issues with the autotune use; ridiculous. I take issue with the twerp given the honor of the opening line, with how busy and musically ADD it is, with Kanye’s offensive presence but the only way to cure that is for him to die and I don’t with that on anyone, issues with today’s sliding scale used to determine and identify a “star”, and this could go on but I’ve got a show tonight so I’ll wrap it up with the fact that I’ll appreciate the intent more than the outcome and shit on something else another day. We all know that this will never replace the original nor be spoken of with such respective reverence and awe 25 years from now. Raise the money and then put it on the shelf in a dark corner.
The last line in this piece Skwerl….on point.
oh if i was trying to shit on the musicians, there would have been at least another 500 words about miley and bieber and nick jonas.
those are the wrong people to go after if your looking for musicians
funny how you mention that some of the vocals were auto-tuned. i think those were the ones where you can notice the use of auto-tune. but i’m pretty sure that it was used on a lot of more cases. it’s way easier to let the singer make a not-so-good take and then correct it than recording lots of takes until he/she nails it. but if the singer at least tries to sing ok, it’s hard to notice. well it’s not like i’ve have some kind of experience on the matter, i get this from what i’ve read.
and my point is that i don’t have anything against using auto-tune for the effect. it’s just another effect that makes you sound like a machine. and we all love machines
@Lams: ok, Cedric Bixler-Zavala!
Miley looked like she was straining on the toilet trying to get her lines out anywhere near passable. Nikka Costa was buried in there and I find that unacceptable.
Two things occured to me when I read this piece:
#1: I love this site.
#2: Sweet holy mother of mercy, I fucking hate Will.i.am
the fact that I must even write his name in that manner pisses me off
Biebers opening was a rocky one that almost made me shut it off. Then Tony Bennet showed up, a man that can make me smile, regardless of the situation. The autotune was completely unnecessary and obnoxious. I love the cause but the delivery was sub-par. Had they just stuck to people that can sing, it would have been great. The marketability is hard to argue though, as getting this in front of as many eyeballs as possible should be the point as they are trying to raise money for Haiti. Miley Bieber = eyeballs.
wow, I’m old. I recognized maybe 4 names, and 3 faces from that list. And autotune? are you serious? You won’t get past Simon that way.
Pink didn’t take Cyndi’s line, Celine did.
i know. successor in spirit, not job title.
Even with the same group of mediocre to lousy performers, a few wiser creative decisions would have made this at least less laughable. For example… sure, invite bieber along, but why does he have to get a solo and WHY lionel richie’s opening? he could have chilled in the choir. and autotune to correct flaws is fine, but as a ridiculous special effect, unnecessary.
I won’t call it successful on a marketability level either until i see how much it raises.
Kevin “Skwerl” Cogill, you sir are a writer and a very good one at that. Every thought I had about this song that, due to shock and rage, I could not articulate you have put in this review. This ‘reboot’ is yet more concrete proof that the music industry does not know its head from its ass. The twerp that opens the song is an insult to every musician that sang the original and even to some of the hacks singing the new version. Poor Michael Jackson must be turning over in his grave. That choice was blasphemous and set the tone for the massive turd of a song that followed. Again, my shock and rage is preventing me from continuing. Thanks for writing a Hallmark Card of reviews that I can pass on to my friends to express my emotions about a song that is almost a big a tragedy as the earthquake itself.
i dunno, maybe i’ve been sinisterly jaded by livin so close to hollyweird for so long, but doens’t this video feel a lil wrong? i mean…good cause and all that jazz, my concern is it’s a lil too crispy clean cut to effectively convey the actual suffering happening in haiti. my feeling is that by purchasing this song you’re more likely buying into the cause of the rights owners of this tune rather than the cause on the packaging.
well, thank christ someone came along and clarified exactly what this post was saying.
While the cause is good, this version of the song is merely redundant and unecessary. I think a hologram of will.i.am(I too, am bugged just having to type this name) actually would have been more entertaining. They shoulda wrote another song instead of re-doing it, but of course, they got nothin’. Just like the hollywood studios and their endless rehashing of great movies. This leaves a bad taste………
Dharma, by any chance was the show you went to Sat. nite Alice in Chains? Did anyone else go? It was, as expected, a mindblowing show. The opening act was great too, but I’m havin trouble finding their name.
at least JAy-Z has his head on straight:
http://omg.yahoo.com/news/jay-z-we-are-the-world-shouldn-t-have-been-remade/35888?nc
Geez that was terrible , I hate that covers of famous songs to raise some money, write new song not butcher great one, only think thaw was semi decent was “tears in heaven” for Tsunami , the vocal bridge with Steven Tyler and Scott Weiland is great and Ozzy is hilarious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2lLoH5ia-U but hose singers can sing their asses off anyway.
As for Alice in Chains I went to Oakland show , great show but not as good as show in Poland.
well, that’s kinda creepy, lol
@Zoop…I didn’t go (I had the Zombie Prom at The Roxy) but Gamejerk went. He said it was Creature with the Atom Brain. Catchy name, there.
Ha! I didn’t even listen to the new version. Miley Cyrus?! Does anyone actually enjoy her music?!? My god.
When Nicole Sherzinger dies of a cocaine and semen overdose OH MY FUCKING GOD IM GONNA DIE SKWERL YOU ARE THE SHIAAAZNATCH!!!! LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF
YHAT SHIT SOUNDED LIKE ATARI EVEN JAY-Z HATEST THAT!!!
“hen Nicole Sherzinger dies of a cocaine and semen overdose”..yeah that was pretty funny the first time I read it….
Then I checked myself and thought how effed up and slightly misogynistic, but that’s probably just the stupid girl in me talking. I mean you can diss the ‘artist’ on merit, talent or lack thereof without casting whore-aspersions, can’t you? I do believe that you can. But that’s just me.
Creature with the Atom Brain!! great name. Thanks dharma/gamejerk for the info. I thought they were pretty good, definitely above the average opening band. Not surprised to learn the album was mixed by Chris Goss. If it’s got his stamp of approval, I know it’s good.