News > Miscellaneous
With All Due Respect To Mainstream Entertainment…
By Skwerl, September 14th, 2009
The MTV Video Music Awards were worth watching this year. Sort of.
I mean, if you’ve got taste in music, if you take the art form seriously, it was a vapid shitshow of pure pantomiming and derivation, with the possible exceptions of inspired performances by Muse and Lady Gaga.
However if, like wrestling fans that don’t mind that wrestling is fake, you find yourself tickled by choreographed dance numbers and can shrug away the fact that Beyoncé’s lips weren’t even moving during her “amazing performance” of Single Ladies, then you were surely blown away by Janet Jackson’s surgical dance tribute to Michael Jackson, Taylor Swift’s massively overproduced and post-processed paradoxical staged subway performance, as well as Pink’s ridiculously overwrought trapeze act, in which she couldn’t have possibly actually voiced a single note, and avoided a wardrobe malfunction only through divine intervention. Seriously, she had nothing but a sticker on her left tit.
I suppose we find ourselves somewhere in the middle, trying to stay objective and fair about the efforts put in, but thoroughly aware of their ultimate meaninglessness, and extremely limited relevance. Tomorrow, no one will care about any of it. But today, the biggest story on the internet is (once again) Kanye West’s latest pinnacle achievement of professional-grade douchebaggery.
Let it not be said that I can’t appreciate good old fashioned immature rock star grandstanding; most of my favorite artists delight me by being supreme pricks and exactly the type anti-role models the laws of nature demands that they be. But there’s a time and a place for it, Goddammit.
Taylor Swift won a moonman for best female video for You Belong With Me; a significant crossover achievement for the young country singer. Halfway through her acceptance speech, Kanye West, hollywood’s answer to Joe Wilson, came up from behind, snatched the microphone from her hands, and proclaimed that Beyoncé had “one of the best videos of all time!” The broadcast completely trainwrecked as Kanye repeated his claim, shrugged his shoulders and walked off, and MTV abruptly cut to a pre-taped skit featuring Tracy Morgan and Eminem.
His diabolical stunt was so disgusting, Puff Daddy was later booed for simply mentioning Kanye’s name.
I’ve always defended Kanye West’s egomania. I usually say if you got a problem with it, go listen to Will Smith. But ‘Ye is on his own on this one for several reasons, not least of which being the fact that he’s dead wrong.
The Single Ladies video was inferior not only to You Belong With Me, but to every other video nominated, and even Beyoncé’s other videos. The song itself may have been ubiquitous and year-defining, but this was an award for best video, and the Single Ladies video had no business being in the running. It’s nothing more than a single sequence of three dancers shot against a plain background, shamelessly ripped off of a Gwen Verdon performance. One of the best videos of all time? Not by a longshot. It wasn’t even Beyoncé’s own best in ‘08. The video for If I Were A Boy was filmed at the same time, and the latter got the lion’s share of the budget and artistic attention shared between the two.
Kanye later apologized, in all capital letters of course, on the internet. But saying “no disrespect” in a blog post after some shit like that is kinda like Michael Vick slipping PETA a sawbuck.
The irony is that Single Ladies wound up winning the even more “prestigious” award for video of the year, making Kanye’s outburst completely unnecessary in addition to being completely inappropriate.
Nineteen year old Taylor Swift was visibly astonished and emotionally derailed by Kanye’s actions. When the cameras panned to Beyoncé sitting in the audience, even she seemed uncomfortable and offended. When B took the award for video of the year, she graciously brought Swift onstage to complete her speech.
Given the ultimately happy ending, MTV’s fondness for staged controversy, and the obviousness of the idea of the go-to party crasher taking down the most shocking target imaginable, many are suggesting that everyone was simply in on the bit, as usual.
We’re not sure we’re buying that. We know Taylor’s a good sport, but the always-poised slice of ass was still shaking like a leaf when Beyoncé brought her back out. It’s hard to believe she was playing along. And anyway, it doesn’t change the verdict for Kanye; if he agreed to parody himself for attention or cash at the expense of everyone involved, that means he showed disrespect not only to everyone present, but also to the one person on the planet he hadn’t previously: Kanye West.
Besides, MTV didn’t need a big gag this year; They had a golden goose named Michael Jackson, with the full support of his family, of course. And they were exclusively premiering not only the trailer for the forthcoming Jackson performance film This Is It, but also the brand-new extended trailer for the new Twilight movie, New Moon. In terms of bill and production value, this year’s VMAs made last year’s look like bingo night down at the Elks’ Lodge.
This Is It actually looks pretty damn cool by the way, despite kinda being necrophilism.
And hey, speaking of necrophilia, fucking Madonna made an appearance. She delivered a speech, a sort of eulogy for Michael. There were a couple sincere moments that hit the nail right on the head; particularly her closing remark, and her assertion that in being robbed of his childhood, Jackson was dealt the most severe handicap you can possibly start life with. However, it was nothing that Oprah, Elizabeth Taylor, and Brooke Shields haven’t already said better, and every damn moment in between was excruciatingly awkward, creepy, and self-indulgent. Where the fuck was Kanye West then? That’s when we needed an interruption. I would have loved to have watched Kanye steal the mic from Madge and shout some crazy shit out of his fish stick loving mouth, before a panicked cut to commercial.
So by the end of the night, Kanye had emerged as the villain, and Michael Jackson had provided the backstory. But while Taylor and Beyoncé had key supporting roles, it was Lady Gaga that came out as the night’s star.
The 23 year old screwball was nominated for nine awards, and won two, including best new artist. Right from the start, she was consistently a center of attention. She arrived in a limo with Kermit The Frog, so absurdly overdressed she could barely hobble, and hardly move her head. In fact, the sight immediately brought to mind a classic moment in 2000 where Johnny and I witnessed Little Richard being escorted by two huge handlers out of the Palladium in Hollywood, an inch an hour, across the sidewalk towards an SUV, propped up in what seemed to be some sort of post-stroke state of paralysis.
Gaga continued to deliver the crazy throughout the night- each time the camera hit her, she had some new, completely ridiculous and jaw-droppingly unweildy get-up on. For her live performance, she was dressed up like the bride of Old Gregg, covered in blood. Later she made appearances dressed as what appeared to be a member of The Emperor’s Royal Guard with his helmet on backwards, as well as some sort of eskimo scarecrow.
For the second consecutive year, Russell Brand was a completely inappropriate host, and I mean that several different ways. The crowd in attendance wasn’t very into his trouser-centric routine, and I can’t imagine the viewers at home being any more comfortable. He had some zingers, but his delivery was once again an odd compromise between understated British sarcasm, and the breathless, screaming American hyperbole he was assigned to. When you mix those two together, the sarcasm comes off as plain insincerity, and the enthusiasm comes off as mockery. Brand is probably laughing on his way down to the bank, but he’s a terrible choice on MTV’s part.
Green Day’s hyped-up performance was underwhelming, as was Jay-Z’s duet with Alicia Keys on Empire State Of Mind; while Hov has still got what it takes to blaze a stage, it’s been a long time since Keys has done much to maintain the benefit of the doubt we all granted to her in 2001, just for knowing how to play an instrument.
I experienced a bit of bittersweet déjà vu watching Kid Cudi and Wale’s possibly enjoyable tribute to DJ AM cut short by incoming commercials, as DJ AM & Travis Barker’s performance with Lupe Fiasco got the exact same treatment last year, despite being a highlight performance.
Last and least, we know Joe Perry doesn’t have anything better to do since Steven Tyler broke his hip and got cataracts or whatever, but watching him back Katy Perry’s godawful performance of Queen’s We Will Rock You kinda felt like watching the legendary guitarist of Aerosmith play second fiddle to a talentless pop fad that’s about to be yesterday’s old news.
About Skwerl
Kevin "Skwerl" Cogill was taught his first computer programming language by his Mother's marijuana dealer at age ten. His first job involved hustling TicketMaster lines on behalf of a New Jersey concert ticket broker at age fourteen, followed by a job in graphic design shortly after graduating high school and trade school simultaneously in 1998. He built his first website in 1996 or so, and continues to do things the way they should be done, rather than the way everyone else does. He's a bit of an asshole, but he's fiercely loyal to fellow fans of good music.
Born and raised in Philadelphia, Skwerl now resides in Los Angeles.
September 14th, 2009 at 7:46 AM
Kanye West is a no talent, spoiled, peice of shit. Somebody needs to kick his ass severely and remind him how much he sucks as an artist(I use that term loosely) and a human being. He’s like a little kid. Fucking asshole.
September 14th, 2009 at 8:28 AM
…and Muse were pretty fucking good.
September 14th, 2009 at 9:33 AM
I’m not falling into the lady gaga craze. It’s bs, she dresses like an ass, sings meaningless pop music and stands for absolutely nothing…but the fame. I smell her contrived act a mile away. It’s a pop machine, selling it like she’s so original, when her music is nothing new or original but feels if they use the word “art” enough and dress her avant garde that it’ll pass as artistic and original; not buying it. Like I said; it’s all bullshit. Shame.
September 14th, 2009 at 9:48 AM
I second that. You can apply that comment to Muse also.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:10 AM
Muse was so fucking bland and disappointing. They’ll never catch the kind of fire in the U.S. that they have across the pond.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:15 AM
Muse are always awesome live but I think it was song choice more than them being bland. I really do like the new single but they have better songs that just sound monsterously epic live.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:24 AM
Want to know why I thought Muse was great? Unlike 98% of the crap on stage last night, they actually played live. Heck, it even appeared that Green Day was lip syncing at times. Anyone else notice how Billie Joe’s rhythm guitar kept strumming when he wasn’t playing?
I will say, of all the EARTH MOVING performances, at least Pink had a good excuse to go all Milli Vanilli on us.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:29 AM
They do get points for playing live, but if that’s all that separates bands from bullshit these days, count me out entirely.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:31 AM
Well, it separates bands from bullshit AT THE VMAs.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:56 AM
Damn, that’s a hell of a lot to say about last night’s circus – especially if you’re going to leave out Lil Mama’s ill-conceived party-crash at the end of Jay-Z’s jam. Talk about the most awkward “I’m down too!” superfail in television history. Bitch looked like a teenage, shrunken, malnourished Jermaine Jackson in drag and made a complete ass of her unknown self.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:50 AM
ha. yeah, i could have packed on another thousand words about shit like lil’ mama’s appearance, pitbull being lame, and eminem’s face looking increasingly plastic, but had to try and exercise some discretion in my ranting.
as for muse… as i said, their performance was one of the very few exceptions. but to pick the event’s performances apart by quality and displayed musical ability would be missing the point. i’d be siskel critiquing the clown show at the circus.
September 14th, 2009 at 7:27 PM
Muse were decent…that song is just boring.
Other than that the whole event is irrelevant to me. I’m obsessed with music…and this event which is supposed to celebrate music does nothing but discredit the worth of music year after year.
Why does anybody care about this shit.
September 14th, 2009 at 8:25 PM
does joe perry really count as legendary?
September 14th, 2009 at 8:32 PM
i really dug jay-z’s performance, specifically alicia’s hook, which was another one of the very few actual live moments of the night.
September 14th, 2009 at 9:08 PM
@stu: ha… yeah, not really. :)
September 15th, 2009 at 1:52 AM
Hey Rory…. agreed. I laughed many a time reading this and its comments. This event is pretty silly i always thought… i mean… the video is made by people other than the recording artist its made for… why does said artist get a trophy?
MTV has never been about celebrating music… only whoring out ’sick music’ to people dumb enough to watch.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:35 AM
Jay-Z’s performance I thought was superb with Alicia Keys. I thought Gaga’s performance was really neat for what it was. However, I don’t know how much her art presentation actually backs up the quality of her music. Oh yea, and am I the only who thinks the singer for the All-American Rejects looks like he’s on crack or meth these days?
September 15th, 2009 at 11:46 AM
I think Aerosmith as a band is close to legendary. Joe by himself…. not so much. Unless you count his 80’s cocaine consumption, which IS legendary.
September 15th, 2009 at 5:41 PM
It wasn’t Kanye who did the evil part here, it was the audience. Don’t tell me you didn’t see that: Kanye says what he thinks, and then the whole crowd seemed to support his statement, then, later (after looking at Swift’s face, and putting everything together in their heads) they’re all like: “Wait. SHIT… …taylOR, TAYLOR!”. We all know damn well that Mr. West is a douche, and by the way also kind of retarded, but this this time the shit just wasn’t his fault. The audience taught young Taylor a worthy lesson about the meaning behind the word “awkward”.
Moreover, let’s not talk as if the girl was a saint or anything just because she has that innocent look to her, and some sad backstory. Poor little Taylor, what a shame, well that’s what you get…, she should’ve known better. Acting sensitive, and shit can perhaps earn a symphaty and stuff, but also makes a person a great target for a public lynch. I just can’t symphatize with a rabbit between the wolves.
Oh, and by the way I agree with Kanye, well not with the fact that the idiot came on-stage to make his statement, but with the statement itself. Single Ladies is an epic video, after watching it a few times I was enlightened. It’s so simple, yet so sophisticated, and of course magnificent. It’s not some funky shit for teenagers, where there’s lots of everything. No, it’s thoroughly humble. Three beautiful women, dancing elegantly, notice the camera movement, and how the lights change, and above all: how THEY move, so fluently, only to freeze later. They make it look like they paused the whole thing… Shit, I am enlightened! Still, I’m well aware of the fact that it’s only my subjective opinion. Mine and off course Kanye’s, who isn’t exactly an authority, now.
I’m open for discussion on this one, though my english is not good enough to allow me to express the entirety of the impression this video made on me.
PS
Let me say this again, Kanye did the douchebaggery, but it wasn’t him who made Taylor feel embarrassed, scared, and obliged to hand the award to Beyonce, it was the audience’s reaction to his words.
PS #2
On the other hand, the whole thing might have been planned all along, it wasn’t funny though. They should’ve done something like this to Kanye, or some other douche, like they did earlier with Eminem, now, that would’ve been funny. Still, it’s just too fucking good to be a coincidence, just try to imagine a better target for this kind of awful shit than the “innocent” Taylor Swift. Well? Think about it…
September 15th, 2009 at 6:26 PM
WHAT THE FUCK? I just watched the “You Belong With Me” video, and whoooaaaaaa… I hope they meant the irony, cause if not… Well, not that I ever considered these awards to mean anything, but, shit, there’s a limit to how fucking insincere, and obnoxious a music video can be (and I thought it’s only achieved by the black metal bands). Sure, there was some humour (at the beginning), and also there was a swan by the name of Taylor, but the irony just wastes the whole fucking thing! Again with the stereotypes, again with the glasses that make a girl look “ugly”, exept that they’re exaggerrated, and her face has more make up on it, than even Madonna’s. By the way, there are actually guys who dig women wearing glasses (myself included), except they have to be nice, and stylish, not some hipster/emo bullshit glasses, but the ones that make a woman look inteligent, elegant, and bring out her eyes. And for fuck’s sake Taylor, forget about the dude from the video, HE’S GAY! Everything we see in this vid is cliche, it’s like having a Deja Vu (after Avril Lavigne, I guess). The only good thing about it (besides Taylor off course) is the little bit of humour, at the beginning. Well, after all, I guess it’s a teen oriented video, so who am I to judge, and compare it to the pure brilliance and maturity of Single Ladies.
September 15th, 2009 at 7:26 PM
Chicks in glasses can be quite hot.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:24 AM
Very funny, but I meant something more like this:
September 16th, 2009 at 1:27 AM
http://img34.imageshack.us/img34/5829/50365ee202cf2feab21844e.jpg
September 18th, 2009 at 7:18 AM
Zoopster: Although I am a Muse fan, I see your point regarding their penchant for copying (stealing or honoring or whatever word you choose) great bands like Queen and Radiohead. All valid points and well stated. But to apply Click’s comments on Lady Gaga (which are spot on btw) to Muse? Jesus dude-what the fuck, man! Like them or not, Muse is not on the same level as Lady Gaga. Did a member of Muse kick your dog or something? Jesus. What a fucking rock snob.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:18 AM
I guess I was on a roll that day. I was only stating that click’s comment on contrivance and unoriginality in Lady Gaga’s music could be also applied elsewhere, I was not making any kind of comparison between the two. But now that you mention it……
And yes, I am a music snob. As I’ve stated before, I enjoy only Kenny Loggins and the finest crack man can afford, nothing else.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:35 AM
wow-clearly you hate Muse. Sorry about your dog.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:38 AM
Actually, Muse murdered my Pa.
December 8th, 2009 at 7:15 AM
“The Single Ladies video was inferior not only to You Belong With Me, but to every other video nominated, and even Beyoncé’s other videos. ”
….You’ve gotta be fuckin kidding right? Maybe you guys shouldn’t write about pop music if you actually think that. I mean that says alot about your “pop ear”. The video was bomb, beyonce is bomb, nuff said. while you praise someone as contrived and superficial as gag-a, really? why? totally looked over this article but just wow….
December 8th, 2009 at 11:57 AM
pop ear? we’re talking about a video. not the song. and the video was ripped off of an old idea, not that you’d know. just because you liked it, doesn’t mean it’s a better video. it wasn’t original, and it was only put together as an afterthought with scraps from another video shoot. by the way, a lot is two words. stay in school.