Wednesday, April 4th 2012
Lists: #Shenanigans
Signs Your Band Sucks
We kicked off a little hashtag free-for-all on Twitter yesterday with #SignsYourBandSucks, which our readers then took and ran with. We’re still laughing, so we thought we’d share some of the best selections with you.
You have more sticker designs than songs RT @antiquiet: Let’s kick this off properly. #SignsYourBandSucks
— Spinner.com (@Spinner) April 3, 2012
You’ve spent thousands on promo shots but have 75 Facebook likes #SignsYourBandSucks
— Antiquiet (@antiquiet) April 3, 2012
@antiquiet Your music is featured in the trailer for a Michael Bay movie #signsyourbandsucks
— TJ (@TJtheHeadphoned) April 3, 2012
@antiquiet you are your own ‘core genre #signsyourbandsucks
— Ian (@muddymudskipper) April 3, 2012
You opened for Dave Matthews band #SignsYourBandSucks
— scott tomford (@kidpretentious) April 3, 2012
People refer to you as “Quirky” or you consider your band to have “Edge” #SignsYourBandSucks
— JESPER DAHL (@DahlJesper) April 3, 2012
your band has a permanent member whose only job is to dance. #SignsYourBandSucks
— Kevin Cogill (@skwerl) April 3, 2012
. @antiquiet You are on the main stage of Warped Tour 2012. #signsyourbandsucks
— Reverend Justito (@ReverendJustito) April 3, 2012
@bbflynn Your pixie-sized lead singer IS A “CHANTEUSE” #SignsYourBandSucks
— JESPER DAHL (@DahlJesper) April 3, 2012
@antiquiet Your white singer has dreadlocks. #SignsYourBandSucks
— Jakob Ross (@JayEssArr) April 3, 2012
#SignsYourBandSucks one or all of your members have ponytails
— Rory Biller (@cloneradio) April 3, 2012
If you’ve got any better ones, let ‘em rip in the comments section.
Mark my words, this won’t be the last time Jakob Ross appears on Antiquiet. Perhaps the smartest 14 year old on the planet.
i actually know him, he is a very smart kid. no doubt about it, you know hes going to be doing stuff with his life…
A caveat, Gary Clark Jr. is dubiously opening for Dave Matthews Band this summer. Which of course brings about two questions, is he so good that its worth sitting through an entire Dave Matthews show, and what are the odds Dave just covers All Along the Watchtower the whole time (cause they do truly kill that song)
I just got this in my email, a job offer to shoot a music video. I could take any of these sentences and hash tag em #signsyourbandsucks : “They are a hip hop/pop group and are 10 and 11 years old….I’m looking for a creative minded individual to help with producing a couple of low cost music videos to shop to some major labels. There’s already a buzz with a couple of labels in particular that’s heard some rough versions of our songs. As you know the visual aspect is of great importance!..”
You’re on the main stage at CrueFest and your lead singer has to provoke the audience to chant your band name because they won’t do it on their own.
And yes, this feat was accomplished by Papa Roach.
Your name sounds heavier than your music ever has. Like how Mastodon isn’t even as heavy as The Sword. That must be a small ass mastodon.
“Your sound is so ‘unique’ that you can’t reproduce it live.” That said (this will sound like a plug and I guess it is), some buddies of mine just interviewed Michael Rother of Neu! / Kraftwerk fame who actually legitimises this somewhat, and discusses seeing Hendrix live and being disappointed that he went nowhere near reproducing his studio sound. It’s a podcast called ‘Special Features’ if anyone’s interested.
your drummer has wind chimes.
your bass player has a braided goatee with a bead on it.
you’re 45 and everyone else in your band is 22.
your guitar player has fishnet stockings on his arms.
your band is fronted by billy corgan.
one of your guitarists is playing a steve vai ibanez “jem”.
you singer says, “how’s everybody doin’ tonight” between each song.
- your pants are tighter than your rhythm section
- your band includes a DJ
- you cite dubstep and Jesus as major influences on your sound
- your songs all have titles 12 words too long
- your lyrics are as cryptic and gibberishy as The Mars Volta but you aren’t in The Mars Volta
- you play late 90s alt-rock covers in a Jersey bar, but of course you’re “this close” to getting signed
- your lead singer tells Siri to call him “Rock God”
A few artists who have opened for Dave Matthews:
Santana
The Roots
Neil Young
Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
Jurassic 5
Black Crowes
Willie Nelson
Nappy Roots