Jesse Jackson Wants Chicken, Waffles And Obama’s Balls

July 9th, 2008 by Johnny Firecloud in Videos

Reverend Jesse Jackson failed to realize that his mic was still hot during an off-air moment in an interview with Fox News, and made a few uh, snippy remarks about presidential candidate Barack Obama:

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Does it matter? Of course it matters! Not on any penetrating level, of course, but on a national scale this is some political shit we can all finally relate to. You can’t expect Britney to turn off The Hills, put down her pink sequined Bible and start talking foreign policy with a clear head. Let’s be realistic about where and when we’re at. Attention spans barely hold through the commercial breaks, let alone some crazy space talk about immigration reform and economic infrastructures. But put a pair of garden shears in Revered Jackson’s hands and set him loose on live TV? That’s something you don’t need your meds to pay attention to!

See, Jackson’s not too happy with Obama for being excessively moralistic in his comments about black men. Obama wants fathers to be more responsible for their children! Let’s cut his balls off. Sounds reasonable to me.

Naturally, the good Reverend issued a lightning-fast apology, beating most of the media to the punch on the incident itself:

“For any harm or hurt that this hot mic private conversation may have caused, I apologize. My support for Senator Obama’s campaign is wide, deep and unequivocal. I cherish this redemptive and historical moment.

“My appeal was for the moral content of his message to not only deal with the personal and moral responsibility of black males, but to deal with the collective moral responsibility of government and the public policy which would be a corrective action for the lack of good choices that often led to their irresponsibility.

“That was the context of my private conversation and it does not reflect any disparagement on my part for the historic event in which we are involved or my pride in Senator Barack Obama, who is leading it, whom I have supported by crisscrossing this nation in every level of media and audience from the beginning in absolute terms.”

Fair enough. It’s alright, Rev. I don’t think Obama’s gonna care too much. He’s too deep in the rockstar to be offended now. 

Last October, in celebration of the corporate scam capitalist holiday known as Skwerl’s birthday, the family went to Roscoe’s down on Pico for some glorious Carol C action. About halfway through our syrupy little trip through chicken & waffle heaven, who should sit down at the table right next to us but the Reverend Jesse Jackson himself, with a bunch of important-looking dinosaurs. We contemplated asking him when the next Million Man March is, or whether he preferred playing for the A’s or the Yankees. But we ultimately chickened out of the opportunity to be photographed with an American icon in such a comically ironic location due to Skwerl’s Big Business shirt, which bears a huge red pentagram on the front. Conflict of interest, since he’s, you know, a reverend and all.

They’ve got sharp knives at Roscoe’s. Thank Christ we didn’t insult the waitress within earshot. The fucker was right across from us.

About Johnny Firecloud

Johnny Firecloud is Antiquiet's resident hippie liberal, but he doesn't smell at all like patchouli. A music-obsessed Michigan native, Johnny makes his living in the gleaming cesspool that is Los Angeles. He's currently attempting to write his first novel, and surprisingly, it's not about political hypocrisy or judicial injustice. But he does love a good soapbox.
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4 Responses to “Jesse Jackson Wants Chicken, Waffles And Obama’s Balls”

  1. dlrw Says:

    I think you’ll agree that neither Britney’s attention span, nor anything else about her, is indicative of the average American’s qualities.
    Jackson’s statement “but to deal with the collective moral responsibility of government and the public policy which would be a corrective action for the lack of good choices that often led to their irresponsibility” - was interesting.
    Isn’t that saying it is the government’s fault that so many young, and older, black women are raising their children without a father? Ah, yes, it is the government’s failed policies that are to blame. Please!
    What is scary is that anyone thinks this guys is relevant anymore. I agree. I’m sure Obama , having survived the Wright disaster, could care less.

  2. Skwerl Says:

    first of all, barack obama running for president is not bill cosby at temple university in philadelphia. as a privileged half-black man, he’s kinda out of line calling out black fathers like that, and it’s no surprise at all that jesse jackson feels the way he does. not that i have a right to say anything, because i’m white and i’m supposed to stay in politically correct line or something.
    also… “britney” watching the hills is not holding a bible as well. you’ve got your ignorant stereotypes kinda mixed up there.
    but jesus christ is jesse jackson hilarious. his delivery, the hand motion, the wonderful supporting performance by the dude on the right… fuckin’ priceless.

  3. Tiana Says:

    Found your site, Nice post :)

  4. UncleGropey Says:

    That medieval painting is hot.

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