So I’m browsing around on a certain online music storefront that is going to get a new asshole on here one of these days, and this photo slides into view:
You know how sometimes you can take one look at a band of douchebags and know beyond a shadow of any doubt that their music blows? Well, not like I needed any additional written confirmation in this case, but I sure as shit got it. The caption read:
Hinder wipe the tears from their eyes and turn it up to 11 on new single “Use Me,” a racy, raucous rocker that doesn’t hold back.
Jesus motherfucking Mary and Joseph. When these guys hit the scene, they were hailed by industry insiders as “the next Mötley Crüe.” Which is fucking ridiculous because Mötley Crüe can’t even manage to be “the next Mötley Crüe” these days. But anyway, how the fuck am I supposed to buy into these dipshits’ edgy bad boys of rock and roll image when their own promotional material is admitting that a second ago they were crying over some ugly rock sluts that broke their hearts like a bunch of emo pussies, while some band with bigger balls were drunk-fucking said sluts from behind and forgetting their names?
And the best thing you can say about a track besides a painfully obvious played-out Spinal Tap reference is it “doesn’t hold back?” Could you be any more cliché? Furthermore, alliteration in marketing copy is sooo fucking 1950. Racy raucous rockers! Don’t wait, get yours now!! Sunday sunday sunday!!! It’s bullshit like this that makes it no fucking wonder that no one is buying into brainless record label hype anymore, besides the dumbest of hillbillies tucked away listening to top 40 FM radio in cultural sarlacc pits like Florida.
These bands are a dime a dozen. They’ve got nothing to say, and they’re not bringing anything new to the table. They’re uninspired, and uninspiring. Oh sure, they put the effort in. Yeah, they work hard for our attention. And I know they all do, because I read it in all the bios they send out when they’re trying to get signed. They read like resumés. More than anything else, they speak about the band’s willingness to sell out and play the game, in the hopes that some major record label will see them as a safe investment and hand them a record deal, to make it easy for them to focus on what they really want to do: get wasted and cheat on their girlfriends for a living. There’s nothing convincing me they’re real artists, they’re just asking to be pointed towards whatever dicks they have to suck to “make it.”
And once they’re there, they’re too chickenshit to get off their knees.
We’ll pass, thanks.
[...] couldn’t have said this any better myself. Well played Antiquiet, well [...]
Whoever they are, I’m sure they have about as much integrity as Nas.
Honestly, how can a band look at this picture of themselves and say, “BRILLIANT!”? I’m sure there was a time when this picture was “BRILLIANT!”, but I’m pretty sure that time is long gone. Let’s not even get into the music.
Glad to see that the Village People reunited.
There should be a caption for that photo that reads “Give me a dollar so my band and I don’t have to keep blowing sailors for spare change and saltine crackers.”
I subscribe to Rhapsody, so I couldn’t resist playing their new single. Allow me to break it down mathmatically:
(Buckcherry + Poison)/Nickelback
ROFL, IT’S SO CHEESY THAT I ALMOST LIKE IT.
Didn’t these guys see the Faith + 1 episode of South Park. When the fuck will these dipshits and record execs realize that these cheesy bands photo’s make the band look like a bunch of tool’s.
Oh wait…they do understand that?…because that’s what 12 year old girls think is badass. Ahh alright now it’s coming together.
This band is so irrelivent to anybody who actually cares about what they are listening to, that posting shit about how much they suck on this site, just reminds the half decent people that do view this site that these shitheads exist.
P.S. Where the fuck did you find that review. I didn’t know that people that pathetically unintelligent could get paid to write. Did Madonna write this review?
Hello Skwerl.
I’m Ende from TTS. Hope your morning poop is still great.
all my poop are excellent.
Good to hear. Poop on!
Aw shit, don’t let Dana see this!
yeah i’ve already been warned not to go after rev theory lulz.
When I read this blog, the only thing you convinced me of is that I never want to meet you. I hope no one else like you exists.
oh, like i want to meet a fuckin’ hinder fan. don’t worry honey.
While we’re on topic, I will be doing meet n’ greets and Hinder album signings next to the tomato stand on the south coast of Zapallar, Chile on Christmas Eve. 10am. I hope you all can make it.
[...] Jesus, where to begin? With one god-awful power ballad these sleaze-rocking idiots somehow became entirely too famous, going double platinum with their shiteous, uninspired debut thanks to devil-deal promotion schemes and an undoubtable gift for industry blowjobs. [...]
[...] that you couldn’t judge a book by its cover, but as the music business gets more and more formulaic and derivative, as the expectations bands have for their target audience’s attention spans [...]
[...] art form. There’s always a way back, unless you’ve built your castle on the sand, like Hinder, Buckcherry and the [...]
I know her!
[...] these things we need to remember when so-and-so label is trying to cram the next Hinder, Creed or Katy Perry down our throats. It’s these conversations we need to keep having, to [...]
[...] If you’re a monolith company with thousands of employees and a roster dripping with platinum sales, it can be easy to lose touch with who you’re trying to win over. I recently stopped by their main offices for a band interview, and it certainly seems as if they’re doing just fine amidst the hand-wringing over the industry shift; dozens of well-dressed hipsters and fashion-dripping “rocker” employees scurried between high-security offices with important looks on their faces while I sat on a plush couch under a giant portrait of some cock-rocking sleazeball, waiting to be called. The place was dripping with that same douchey leather-bracelet-spiked-hair-soul-patch essence that you see on assholes like Hinder. [...]
Wow, I missed this the first time through. Work of beauty indeed. Fuck these guys.
Saw this band live in Ft Lauderdale a few years ago. Completely forgettable performance.
I actually like them. Hinder and Buckcherry are like the new Motley Crue and GNR of the music world. Wait, it all makes sense now, because you hate 3 of those bands and the other one hates you.
Once you overlook the shitty songs like “Lips of an Angel”, they’re pretty damn good.
andy,
No.
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