It looks like women who have been ripped off by the Creator in the looks department are going to become obsolete unless they step it up.

Naturally, our kinky friends in Japan at Sega Toys have developed a humanoid robot. She’s not exactly a FemBot or straight out of Weird Science a la Kelly LeBrock, but she does all those things you look for when you settle for an unfortunate looking girlfriend.

 
Ugly girls know they only get boyfriends because they give great blowjobs, can cook, or have some other special skill. Just the same, I know that I’m too much of a fucking bitch to score a man, which is why I rely on my “awesome, rockin’ tits” (may or may not be quoted from one of the undersexed men who write on this site) to land a man.

EMA, or Eternal Maiden Actualization– which has to be the most amazing conceptual name ever– is just like a real girlfriend, only better because she doesn’t talk back. Instead, EMA is equipped with battery power, infrared sensors to avoid walking into walls like I do, and the ability to give you kisses if you move your head near her mouth. I know, the first thing I thought as well was if she will have the ability to use her mouth for other things. One can only hope…

In the meantime, Sega claims that she will be able to sing, dance, greet her owner / lover / awkward teenager / gross old man / dorky Asian or white dude, and even pass out business cards. Of course, racial minorities won’t get on board until she can give something more than kisses.

The first images of EMA show that she has a decent rack, a nice ass, and curves that’ll fuck a brotha up more than those turns on Rainbow Road in Mario Kart Wii. But let’s be honest, this might be only successful long-term in Japan. Currently, EMA stands at about 15 inches and she’s clearly a robot. I’m not sure if the people who built EMA are fans of Star Wars, but she kind of reminds me of a storm trooper equipped with Buzz Lightyear arm laser thingies– seriously.

But again, EMA isn’t for guys who can get the hot chicks. EMA is for you. Minako Sakanoue, spokeswoman for Sega Toys, said EMA is “very loveable and though she’s not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend.” So if you’re looking for a companion, but you’re having trouble in the worthiness department and still can’t yet stomach settling for the aesthetically less pleasing, EMA might be the girl for you.

For now, EMA will be available in late September only in Japan for around $175, but I’m sure our fascination with the awkward Japanese culture will eventually open doors for EMA in the US.

Speaking of ugly girls who can cook, here’s a recipe for a Britney B Strawberry Smasher:
2 cups of frozen strawberries
3 ounces of hot water
6 ounces of vanilla yogurt and/or ice cream, depending on your preference
1 handle of gin– more or less to taste
Throw in blender, then pour in chilled glasses and top with a dollop of whipped cream
Voilà. Easy like EMA.

UPDATE 6/22/08: We now have video of EMA!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 17th, 2008 at 11:43 PM and is filed under Editorials. You can follow any comments to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can comment, or trackback from your own site. Tags: AI, Boobs, EMA, Japan, Robots, Sega